Splitting Up, Uncoupling, Separating


A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend of three years and I decided to split. It was something I’d been thinking about, but happened somewhat spontaneously when he checked in with me about how I was feeling about “us.” It was scary to have to confront what my intuition had been telling me, which was that we would be better as friends, but it ultimately felt good to talk it out and go through with the tough decision.

Even though we’re going about it peacefully without so much as one accusatory argument, it’s sad to suddenly have to confront that I won’t be marrying the guy I once thought was my perfect match. In most ways, he still is. I’ve never been in such an easy, flowing relationship; we love doing the same things, share the same opinions on the things that matter to us, respect each other’s work and creative pursuits… There’s so much good between us.

What’s hitting me hardest, and has yet to hit really, is how much I’m going to miss him when he moves out this weekend. I’m already a homebody; who knows how much more introverted I’ll become when left to my own devices! Please come searching for me if you haven’t seen me around in a while and if my feed begins to morph into a collage of PJ pics and cookies.

But so far, it’s been the breakup I hoped it would be. I’ve heard a lot about the concept of “uncoupling,” breaking up with someone with the same love and care you take when you get together. It’s nice to know that it’s possible to go about this kind of thing in a healthy, modern way.

I’m not saying breakups should be a breeze for everyone, or even that breakups will be smooth sailing for me from here on out. This may just be a special case for a special guy. Although, I do believe it’s been relatively easy for us because of one main reason: the issue that “split us up” was one we discussed very thoroughly throughout our relationship. So when it came to a head, there was a foundation of understanding. We knew exactly how we felt already, so there was a lot of empathy there.  No one was blindsided, and no one stopped loving each other. It’s just that it became clear that the issue was not going to change, nor were our needs or dispositions, so…best to part ways.

When you share an abode and, well, a life, there are logistical considerations when you split up. Things like, where will Blake move, who will get the dog, and will we continue to do our joint DJ night? The answers to which are: in an apartment practically next door (hahaha), me for now, and hell yeah!

Ideally, and perhaps selfishly, I’d like us to stay as close as we are now, hang out all the time, and still crack each other up over Gchat throughout the day. But I get that things may change, and that as enlightened as we may be acting right now, it may become harder when we start dating other people.

All in all, I’m just glad we’re having the courage to find what’s best for us, respectively. <3

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